So, I’m a submissive person by nature, both sexually and emotionally. Putting my wife’s happiness first makes me happier than if I put my own happiness first (believe me, I tried). Submission to her satisfies me and fills me with a sense of personal fulfillment and accomplishment. I have known this about myself and have accepted and embraced my submissiveness since I was a teenager. Naturally, then, you would be forgiven for thinking that I would be great at behaving submissively toward my wife.
In truth, I do a terrible job of consistently being submissive. I have thought of many reasons why this may be, but they’re all just excuses. My wife and I have found that we will both be happier and more fulfilled in our relationship if I am better able to submit to her authority. So I am actively developing habits that better fit with my submissive personality and role in my marriage.
Ask for help when I need it.
When I don’t know the answer to something, I get anxious. It’s uncomfortable to admit that you don’t know something. So like most men, I try to BS my way through things. I’m very good at it, except with my wife. She sees right through it. She, for her part, loves having the answers. When I don’t know something, the best thing for both of us it to submissively admit it to myself and my wife. She truly enjoys guiding and helping me, and get to stop pretending.
Listen extremely closely and remember subtle things.
A big part of service is in remembering someone’s preferences, and storing someone’s suggestions (when they don’t realize you’re keeping track) is a great way to come up with great ideas for gifts and surprises. And my wife loves gifts and surprises. Think of the waitstaff at an excellent restaurant or hotel. They notice the extremely little things and act on them to make your experience amazing. I should be trying to do the same for my wife.
As a corollary, do things without being told twice.
My telling her that I’m going to do something counts as me being told. If I’m supposed to get it done, it gets done without a reminder. If not, my wife can’t count on me. And that’s truly emasculating.
Keep my opinions to myself unless she asks.
It’s not that she doesn’t care what I think, but I need to do a better job of seeing things with empathy and understanding, rather than constantly passing judgment. My wife’s point of view is one I should be acquainting myself with on a much more consistent basis.
I’ll try to track how much I improve on these four things, in both quantity and quality. I know there are a lot of submissive spouses, male and female, out there who do a much better job than me on these things. I have turned on the comments feature, so any ideas or suggestions you have would be hugely appreciated.