Being submissive and obedient to my wife is easier at home than it is in public. Unfortunately, it recently seems like I’m only capable of the easiest kinds of submission. For some reason, my submissive impulse is dulled when I’m in public with my wife. This weekend I was told quite clearly by my wife that my lack of submissiveness and disobedience when in public was unacceptable, and I was punished accordingly.
My wife dislikes punishing me, so any punishment I receive comes with the added shame of the fact that she only punishes me for my most epic failures.
There’s no excuse for disobeying my wife’s wishes in public. There’s no excuse for not anticipating my wife’s wishes and following them automatically and wordlessly. I often feel reluctant to be submissive when I’m in public around other people, because I’m ashamed to be seen as weaker, softer, or more sensitive. But I am. I shouldn’t be ashamed of my submissiveness. I walk around feeling as proud to serve and obey my wife as I do at home.
So why is it so hard for me?
Part of it is consciously reminding myself to be submissive. A reminder would be great, like a necklace, bracelet, or ring that would serve as a “vanilla” collar. Part of it is being more submissive in my thoughts at home.
The reality of public submission is that submissiveness is hardly ever noticeable. It’s not like people are going to look at me and say, “he belongs to his wife, what a sissy.” It will hardly ever be obvious, and when it is overt, people are just going to think I’m being chivalrous and helpful.
As my wife said, being submissive isn’t something we play at when we’re at home, where I fetch her drinks and give her massages and then we go out and I get to be just another guy. My wife requires that I accept her authority openly and willingly, and she requires it constantly. Not just at home between certain times.
On that note, this post too me much longer to write than it should have, and now I need to go get the house ready for my wife’s return from work.