One thing that has made my submission to my wife’s authority go as smoothly as it has is that, over time, she becomes more demanding. Where most husbands would find this extremely frustrating, I have come to feel real satisfaction when this happens. I like that my wife expects me to get out of bed in the morning and fetch her coffee, cream, sugar, slippers, and iPad. On weekend mornings, I like that my wife expects me to drop what I’m doing (cleaning, usually) and go up the street to get her breakfast from the cafe. I like how, on days when I’m working from home, she’ll pause while getting dressed to rattle off a list of things for me to do that day. I like how she expects me to fit all those things into the day.
I could go on. My obedience to her and my focus on her happiness has led her to expect quite a bit more than the average wife expects of her husband.
Far from being a source of friction, my wife’s raised expectations are how I measure my success as a husband. Sometimes, my wife will take on a duty that I normally do. She will go get her own coffee, or pay some bills. Sometimes this is because she feels like making her own coffee, or is bored watching TV and wants something to do. Sometimes, though, it’s a message–that I haven’t been meeting her expectations, and she is giving me the opportunity to prove her wrong.
I think that slowly raising expectations is an easy, effective way for any dominant partner to establish or reinforce their authority.
I don’t pretend to speak for with any sort of authority on the matter, but based on my personal experience, I wonder if dominant partners can help their submissive partners see these expectations as opportunities to make them both happier.
If I were a dominant looking to use raised expectations to influence my submissive (a big if!), I would:
Be very clear about what I wanted
Guessing what makes someone happy is never easy. So tell them: “I would like it if…” “It would make me happy if…” “I think that you should…”. Don’t be reluctant–ask for it. And if they say no, gently make it clear that they’re not saying no to doing the job, they’re saying no to making you happy.
Give brief, specific praise when my expectations were met
“It made me happy that you…” “You did a great job at…” Your submissive partner is smart enough to connect the pleasure of being praised to the act of being of service to you.
Minimize reciprocation beyond brief verbal praise
A submissive does not like reciprocation, because the act of giving more than they get is very satisfying. But it’s a strange experience, and it takes a while before a submissive person really starts to feel it. So encourage it. If they ask for reciprocation from you, offer much less. If your submissive fulfills your demand for frequent oral sex, reciprocate with occasional hand jobs, or holding them in your arms while they play with themselves.
Aim to develop habits
Once those tasks are habit, they do not make you significantly happier. But your submissive needs to do them to keep you from being unhappy. Then…
Raise your expectations
Request new services. Your submissive will be doing all the old things just to keep you from being mad at them, but they won’t be getting the satisfaction of your praise. For this, they will have to do new things–more things!
At the right time, acknowledge the power differential
In the beginning, your submissive partner may resent the obviousness of the power differential. The dominant should treat it as an insignificant circumstance. But over time, once habits are ingrained, begin to mention to your partner how happy you are that they take such pleasure in serving you. Then, tell them that you feel the power differential is a key to happiness for both of you, and that you would like to expand that differential.
OK, I have just given a lot of advice that I’m not qualified to give, but there it is. I guess it’s my submissive nature, but I often have a hard time imagining how people–especially dominant ones–would find my advice helpful. Hopefully it is for someone.
For my part, I’m trying to do all the little things I have to do to keep my wife from being annoyed, while seeking out new ways to please her. I have found that I’m at my happiest when I have made her happy–and the more I work to make her happy, the more satisfied I am if/when I do.