Acknowledging My Submissive Role

I read a great post recently about formalizing a man’s role as a homemaker in a female-led household, and left a comment about this past Christmas, when my in-laws gave a beautiful pair of tall black riding boots to my wife and a new vacuum cleaner to me.

Nancy had a great response, pointing out that my in-laws clearly understand my subservient role. That’s a point that I hadn’t ever considered, since my wife and I have for so long taken it for granted that I was to be submissive to her.

With that in mind, I thought I would explain how I think our families perceive our female-led marriage. I’m not an expert on any of this, but perhaps other D/s couples will find it useful.

Both her parents/siblings and mine see me as extremely helpful, thoughtful, and deferential toward my wife. They know we are always in agreement, and that my wife is the primary decision maker. They know I go out of my way to provide for her needs. They know we have a very happy marriage.

In short, I think they think I’m a helpful, agreeable husband who puts his wife first because he’s a loving guy. I don’t think they perceive that ours is a fully female-led relationship. I don’t think they recognize that I can be punished for not doing my chores or being disrespectful. I’m confident that they see me as chivalrous and hardworking (which I like to think I am), but I don’t think they see that my role in this marriage is to be obedient, docile, and subservient to my wife.

This is exactly how we would like to be perceived. We don’t want to lie about the fact that my wife is in charge, because we think it’s completely natural and want it to be seen that way.  We’re glad that female-led relationships are increasingly common, but at the same time, a “femdom marriage” with all the kinky trappings is still outside the mainstream.

We don’t want there to be any inkling that we have taken the principle of female authority as far as we have, because frankly we’re not sure they are any more ready for it than the rest of society. And we think the focus should be on how happy we both are, not on what goes on behind closed doors.

I know being “outed” to the family is a big thing for D/s couples (both as fantasy and fear), but my wife and I feel that we have found a balance that is honest and yet not too revealing.

I’m proud to devote so much of myself to my wife. I take major satisfaction in making her happy. Every time I have done something to make her life better, my life is better. That’s the big message to be had from our marriage, and that’s the one we aim to show people.

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