Overcoming Submissive Burnout

I should be cleaning the kitchen right now. But I’m writing on the internet instead.

Apparently I’m just burned out this week. It sometimes feels like all I do is clean and do dishes and run errands and go to work. My wife recognizes this, and isn’t backing off. Instead, she’s pressuring me to get back to work. She keeps up her high standards of obedience and service, regardless of what kind of mood I’m in. I recognize that this is incredibly important, and is a large part of why our D/s dynamic is so persistent.

But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m tired! Part of me wants to steal the remote, put my feet up, grab a beer, and watch TV. I think it’s times like these when D/s dynamics break down for some couples. There are always a few days or a week at a time every so often where things are just tough.

But I need to remember that I’m not taking on more responsibilities than my wife. I’m not working harder than her, we’re just doing different things. She’s just as tired as I am, and having a whining husband who shirks his responsibilities is the last thing she needs.

As a subservient husband, I have taken on all of the domestic duties because that frees my wife to take on more important responsibilities. While I’m cleaning and shopping, she’s doing the extra work she needs to do at her high-powered job to keep up with her coworkers. While I’m doing the laundry and paying the bills, she’s tracking our spending and updating our financial plan.

When submissive husbands take on household tasks, it’s so that their wives can do more important things (even if those things occasionally include sleeping in or watching a movie). My wife is already working harder than me, on more important things. If I slack off on cleaning the kitchen, what does that say about my worth as a husband?

So on that note, I’m going to go take a deep breath, get a drink of water, and get back to cleaning the kitchen.


5 thoughts on “Overcoming Submissive Burnout

  1. I appreciate this post and can relate. Part of my burn out is self-created because I just enjoy doing things for my wife, but then I slow down and begin to get disappointed in myself for not serving her as well as I should, or, as you put it, “I think it’s times like these when D/s dynamics break down for some couples. There are always a few days or a week at a time every so often where things are just tough.” I agree. It’s hard to get back on track–do you have any suggestions beyond just plowing through (which is part of it…)?

    1. This is such a huge problem, I’m almost glad I’m not the only one who faces it. I think you should be OK with getting burnt out sometimes. I think about it from the perspective of a stay-at-home wife or mother. Sometimes they need to focus on other things in their lives, or they need a good girl’s night out. The laundry might get backed up a little bit, but that’s not the end of the world. We can catch up on laundry, and cleaning, and the little chores, but we can’t catch up on having fun and getting a little “me” time. But recognize when “me” time starts and ends, and recognize that you shouldn’t want or need too much “me” time.

      The other way to think about it is to consider that your time is actually her time, and you need to change your expectations. I find I have to do this sometimes. I still get to do things I like that don’t impact her, like read a novel or learn programming, but I have to be more efficient about it.

      Hope some of this helps. Good luck!

      1. LCO,
        Thanks for the advice. Specifically your comment about it being her time and not my time has helped. I find it especially hard when my wife does little to acknowledge my efforts. It’s not that I want constant praise, but I will admit to hoping my efforts will bring some small reward such as being told to kids her feet or smell her pussy, but it doesn’t. But as you said, it is her time, so why should she feel the need to reward our acknowledge it?

  2. This was a HUGE help. My sub was feeling a bit off and not motivated. Everything she needed was just a few days off, some understanding and she was more than glad to serve me again, and more important, she was back to being happy. Thanks a lot.

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