Hello everyone, thanks to all of you who have visited this blog over my long absence.
The reason for my absence is that I was disobedient and was punished severely by my wife. I neglected to perform some of my assigned duties, and when my wife questioned my ability to perform them sufficiently, the tone of my reply was disrespectful.
In most marriages this would have been one of many minor incidents, but in my marriage, disrespect toward my wife is unacceptable. It seems so petty now, and I can only tell you how many times I wish I could have taken back what I said.
She issued me three punishments:
First, I must not post to my blog for six months, or communicate with other bloggers (but I have been able to read–so much to talk about!)
Second, I must lose fifteen pounds in six months (I’m already a recreational runner so this was difficult, but not as difficult as the third, which was…)
Third, no sex for six months.
For the last six months, I have been allowed occasionally to play with myself (sometimes with an orgasm, sometimes not), but my service to my wife has consisted only of oral sex or holding her while she played with herself. At the beginning of my six-month sentence she purchased an excellent new vibrator. One unintended negative consequence of my punishment is that this vibrator has proven far more satisfying for her than I have in the past, and she enjoys watching me get hard, comparing my size to the vibrator (not favorably, alas), and then having me hold and caress her while she slowly reaches orgasm.
During these sessions she occasionally asks me about what I have learned during my punishment. I haven’t learned anything new, but I have internalized my submissiveness and subservience to my wife. She often allows me to say nothing at all.
The prohibition from blogging was because my wife didn’t want me going on the internet feeling all sorry for myself. Because my six months is nearly up (in two weeks–I’m counting), she permitted me to explain what happened and to share what the consequences were.
Since then, we’re “back to normal,” except there is no expectation of sex. This arrangement works for her, and I have accepted it.
Most of all, I feel ashamed. Here I am, writing for everyone to see about the joys of surrendering to my wife. Our relationship and marriage has never been better than over the past six months, but all the time I am aware that I have behaved badly.
Part of it is the sexual denial, the fact that she just watches me play with myself on command, standing with her arms crossed waiting for me, when she thinks it has been long enough. My record was extended at one point to seven weeks. Twice, she ordered me to go from flaccid to ejaculation as quickly as possible, which leads to a tiny, weak little orgasm. I don’t want to go into too much detail since I like to think this isn’t that kind of blog, but she has found this approach to be amusing to her.
But the major thing that strikes me is that she has followed through with it without saying a word. She said this is what would happen, and it has. Mentioning sex brings a derisive laugh. We both know I’m not getting any. There’s no questioning. It’s happening, and it’s my fault. Every time I am denied, I think back to our one fight–a minor fight, but completely unacceptable. What she said would happen, did happen, 100%.
I can only imagine what kind of punishment I would get if I acted like any old husband. Want to go hang out with my friends and drink beer and watch football? She might pull a muscle laughing at me if I asked that. Last weekend I followed her around our local outlet shopping mall for five hours, holding her bags. She let me buy a couple of things, but everyone knew what was going on. At most stores, she brought her things to the counter and left to go relax outside while I paid and took her bags. This wasn’t lost on any of the people at the checkouts, and I’m very appreciative that none of them mentioned it.
But that shopping trip was wonderful for both of us. She looks beautiful in her new clothes. The items I was allowed to buy were underwear that, let’s just say, most men would not be proud to wear. But she likes me wearing them, so I will, in all their neon glory. And when I do, I feel quite humiliated, but I do feel appreciative for my wife for putting me in my place.
This punishment has caused me to lose some of the sense of femininity I had been cultivating. I am finding that I identify with the feminine when I am feeling confident, optimistic and in control of myself. My humbling and humilation over the past few months has caused those feelings to subside.
I am returning to the blog somewhat early so that my explanation is posted in advance. She specifically requested that I state what caused my punishment, and what my punishment was.
Several people had started following me before my disgrace, and I appreciate your readership. My hope is that my posting will continue soon (possibly a little early since I have lost a lot of weight), and I hope to start connecting more with you soon.
If my lack of updates caused you to stop following, I truly apologize and hope you’ll see fit to follow me again soon. If you know of someone who stopped following, please spread the word of what has happened. (I’m flattering myself here, I know, but I do feel badly that I caused this.)
I will be returning to my gmail as well, so if you would like to reach out privately, please do so. Just please be gentle–these last few months have been hard enough on my as it is.