Sex Tips for Submissive Husbands: Give Up Thinking About Penetrative Sex

After nearly 10 months of enforced orgasm control, in which my wife totally decides everything about our sex life, my wife is completely happy with our sex life and is generally seeing an improvement in my behavior as a submissive husband. I will add my experience to the many, many couples who find that chastity and orgasm control is essential to a husband’s submission to his wife’s dominant nature. Here are some things I have learned over the past few months:

  • Sex will be about quality, not quantity. She doesn’t want sex as often as a guy might, but when she wants it, she wants my complete attention for at least an hour.
  • Your role changes. You’re still a partner, but you’re only thinking about where to massage her, where to kiss her, where to touch her. You eventually learn that your own sexual fulfillment is to be ignored.
  • You feel sexual pleasure in making her happy. Every moan from her is an ecstatic experience for me. Her orgasm causes intense satisfaction for me.
  • My wife gets very little from penetrative sex. Sometimes she will have me penetrate her just to tease me, but the pleasure for her is in my disappointment when she tells me I have to pull out, rather than anything I’m doing for her. When she wants an orgasm with penetration, she uses her rabbit to give her a clitoral orgasm. She says she doesn’t miss my cock being inside her, because it just feels like stretching and pounding. In all the best sex we have had over the past year, nothing has gone inside her.
  • If you are truly attuned to your wife, you will learn to pick up on much more subtle cues about what she wants. If you give her what she wants, you’re doing your job. If what she wants is cuddles, you should know that and give her cuddles. Don’t try to get anything more–if you’re being kept chaste, you’ll just be disappointed, even if she decides she wants to orgasm. She doesn’t want you to orgasm.
  • Pleasuring your wife is more important than what you’re doing. The wife may want sex at any time, and you should sacrifice your interests–even getting your chores done on time–to please her. If you have to delay urgent chores, make her cum and put her to sleep, then work off your pent up sexual energy in scrubbing the shower.
  • Being relaxed is so important, but being horny makes you uptight. When you have not had an orgasm in over a month, a cold shower can be more relaxing than a warm one!
  • Let your wife do nice things for you. My wife likes massaging me, kissing me all over, toying with my ass, and teasing my cock.
  • Keep your underwear on! It’s a constant reminder of your role.

As I mentioned a long time ago, my wife prefers that I not use a chastity device. She believes that causing me to use my self-control and self-discipline to avoid orgasms instills a greater sense of obedience. If you wear a device, your wife has more options for teasing you, and you will be able to focus more on your wife’s pleasure. I’m happy with her decision to skip the device, but am willing to wear one if asked.


18 thoughts on “Sex Tips for Submissive Husbands: Give Up Thinking About Penetrative Sex

  1. A very interesting read. While I let my sub cum it’s still about my pleasure always first and foremost, and I like making him beg for it.

    1. Hello M. My wife has never made me beg, but it sounds like the perfect way to see if they deserve it. I assume you have high standards for your sub, and I hope they beg very hard for you!

    1. Yes, I certainly didn’t talk about that enough. It is very loving. My wife knows that my lack of orgasm and satisfaction is a sacrifice, and she takes that sacrifice very seriously. When she does orgasm, the embrace we share afterward is extremely profound, because there is a knowledge that that is the only orgasm that’s going to happen…unless she wants another.

      She tells me firmly and definitively how much pleasure I will be receiving, but she does it because it’s what’s best for us, and she understands it hurts me at the time when she says I won’t be having an orgasm this week. But the fact that I accept, nod, and thank her is very important to her.

      The fact that I don’t receive an orgasm means that when I look into her eyes, I’m looking into them as someone who wants to make her happy, not as someone who wants to use her for ulterior motives. When I embrace her, it’s because I want to be close to her.

      Some of the most loving moments are when she is using the vibrator on herself. I am playing no role in her orgasm, but I am kissing and caressing her. It’s very sexual for her, but hardly at all for me. It’s just love.

      1. It sounds good….so nice it is working for you. I can imagine it, but have never experienced it….not really.

      2. I guess as a domme I will never truly understand where the excitement for you is in this concept, not to say I don’t think it is there. Part of me is jealous sometimes that I will never get to experience subspace. I do understand how my sub likes orgasm denial, but for us it is more due to the fact that he is turned on by the control and that then his orgasms when I allow them will be more intense. I have a high sex drive and making it so he is not allowed to cum on his own time saves up that sexually energy to be used with me.

    1. That helps clarify it. Knowing its a feeling you’ve always had and not just introduced in your marriage. It’ll always be hard to understand by me me because I want what I want and I want to be satisfied, but that’s why I’m a domme I guess.

  2. I must say I really enjoy your blog. My wife and I have been in a WLM for several years, and it is so nice to read about a normal couple without all the wierd DOM stuff with whips and what not.

    I have a question about your sex. Does she ever work to satisfy you, your penis?

    1. Had to run before I could finish my thought…

      I ask, because a lot of guys who are submiting to their wives are also under ejaculation management because after ejaculating their motivation to serve suffers. But the husband enjoys being teased up to the point of almost ejaculating. But what I have found with my wife, and a lot of other husbands have noted, is that the wives have no interest in teasing on a regular basis.

      My wife, too, thinks a chastity device is too much, and she prefers to simply forget about my penis all together. She never liked intercourse; we only did it a handful of times each of the three times we sought to concieve. She was practically a porn star when we first got married, but she came to really resent initiating. Now she won’t give a hand or blow job, and she does not let me mastubate. She doesn’t want us to even talk about my penis; she gets seriously annoyed if I bring it up very often. I am willingly making the sacrifice to serve her, but the hard thing is that part of serving her is accepting she has no interest in my penis at all.

      1. Hi S, thanks for both your comments. I think there is a risk that wives can hear “orgasm control” and think that you want no attention at all. I think we as husbands know what we are referring to and know it includes tease and denial, but I found that my wife assumed I meant I should not be touched. I’d ask her, after you have done a good job on a given day, that she tease you (or you be allowed to tease yourself) as a reward. Be honest that teasing is important to you, and then work extra hard to continue to please her. It’s tough since every couple communicates differently, but I think your problem is not uncommon at all. Good luck.

  3. Looking at your sex advice, I see that we practice all the things you mention. So, I guess when I saw someone doing the same things we are, I just wanted to talk to someone with a common experience.

    I am not unhappy that my service to my wife includes accepting that she has no interest in playing with ( I notice men consider it “play” when they or their wife do things to their penis, but women refer to the same thing when they do it as “work”, i.e. blow job or hand job) my penis – she does not like to do anything to it at all. Nor does she like it when I play with myself. She is the master and I am the servant, so I obey. And, I have to admit that after ejaculating my submissive attitude plummits; I have tried many times for this not to happen, but I have always been unsuccessful, so now both of us are very reluctant for me to have release because we don’t want the stress from my bad behaviour that follows.

    Given a choice, I would love it if she would play with it, or let me play with it. Even failing those things, it would be nice if I could just talk with her about how it feels to sacrifice my penis and orgasms in service to her. But, when I bring it up she says she knows all about it, it is nothing new, and if I continue she says she does not even want my penis to get the satisfaction of our paying attention (verbal) to it.

    So, when I read your sex advice, it seems you are in a similar place, but not exactly the same. You say there is no penetrive sex, and it looks like from what you write that your penis plays no part in your sex life, but at some point she will play with it or let you play with it. So, I was just wondering if I am right that you two don’t involve your penis during love making, but at other times she will play with it or let you play with it? I read how another husband always satisfies his wife manually or orally when they make love, and every week or so she would let him masturbate to ejaculation, but he said they “don’t consider that sex” because it is just him doing it to himself and she does not participate, it is not part of their love-making. Do you guys seperate things that way too? We used to; we would make love without any use of penis, and after she came she would sometimes let me kneel beside the bed and masturbate while she slept or read.

  4. Bravo! So few men understand the dynamic here. My wife and I have a relationship characterised by orgasm control, denial, chastity, and asking permission to cum and to touch her intimately. She also “rations” me seeing her nude and I am allowed to do so only when she wants sex. One result is that she is now the only woman I fantasise having sex with. Amazing! How many men fantasise about their own wife?

    1. Hi wisdom, apologies for the lengthy delay in replying. You describe the joy of relationships like these, and it’s a shame more wives don’t control their husbands this way. Who wouldn’t want this (besides the good-for-nothing husbands of course)?

  5. I am married 45, 30 of which were with penetrive sex. I do not even remember what it was like. the reason is that my wife’s best friend moved in and became my wife’s lover. I was sum issue to both. My wife is more into controlling me by word and being locked up and panties 24/7. Her girlfriend, my Mistress was into whipping and physical pain. She loved it so much that she would sigh with pleasure at my pain.

    My Mistress did not want me to have sex at all since her and my wife were lovers. However, I paid the bills so we compromised on me being allowed to give them orgasms and then allowed to masturbate once a month. I am now very used to that but the consequence is that I rarely am able to get an erection anymore unless I take Viagra.

    My wife’s lover is now far a ay but as a symbol of their love, I am still kept in chastity with only masturbation as my only monthly release. I feel naked without my chastity device which I do remove for doctor visits or when playing sports and swimming.

  6. It should read, married for 45 years with 30 of those years without penetrive sex. Please correct. BTW this mama true account of my life. I am locked in chastity as I write this.

  7. Good to see that we are not the only married couple that lives like this. Only difference is that my wife wants me locked up to prevent erections. I have learned to share in her orgasms. My wife had me buy a massage table because she likes a daily massage. I enjoy massaging her. It arouses me and she knows it. Sometimes she wants a happy ending and sometimes not.

    We have not had penetrative sex in longer than we can remember. My guess is about 30 years of our 40+ year marriage. She just does not like it. She can orgasm in under 3 minutes from clitoral stimulation so that is the way we go. Outside of the bedroom we are pretty much like any traditional married couple. She still likes to please me by doing things for me. However, once we enter the bedroom, she is 100% in charge.

    I used to get 2-3 orgasms a year but a few months ago she asked me if I loved her enough to give up my orgasms completely. Hard to say no when put like that. It is OK since we both do not like how I get after an orgasm. Plus I hate to have to start chastity over again. Sort of like getting used to not smoking and then after a few months, you smoke again and have to go through the withdrawal process again.

    Knowing that there is I will not get an orgasm is kind of freeing. No more trying to get her to give me one by giving her extra attention that she said smothered her. I am no longer constantly thinking how to convince her to let me have an orgasm. Much calming now. Only thing that has been added is domestic discipline. She loves her cane. Without the threat of extending my orgasm denial period, she needed another way to punish me

    Chasity has made us more intimate than every before. We even have sex more often. My wife is happier and so am I. Few understand how orgasm denial can enhance a relationship but after 40 years of sharing a girlfriend with my wife, I have had more than my fair share of orgasms. My wife says she has to catch up. I also used to feel guilty about how she gave me access to her girlfriend with no restrictions. How many wives would bring in another women to please their husband? It sounds like fiction but we lived as a poly triad for most of our marriage and I own my wife big time. Giving up my orgasms seems fair to me. 🙂

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