My wife and I were recently talking about the fact that we don’t try to hide our female-led dynamic. It’s fairly common knowledge among our friends and family that ours is a female-led marriage, and that I am submissive to my wife. It’s common in our culture for many people to joke that the husband is beholden to the wife, but in our case people see our dynamic in much more concrete terms. In no case are they aware of the kink aspects of our marriage (since when do people really get involved in their family members’ sex lives?), but they are aware that my wife is my leader. We have never told them anything about it, either, everything they know they have seen firsthand. Because we are natural and comfortable as leader and follower, I don’t think it strikes anyone as unusual. They know that what we have works really well for us, and you can’t argue with success.
My parents raised me to be extremely polite, to the point of being deferential to other people in general. When I began dating, they impressed upon me the importance of being accommodating and faultlessly polite around my girlfriend. They are tremendously impressed with my wife. They think I’m doing very well for myself (which is quite true I think!), and that pleasing my wife is an important priority for me. My parents have a perfectly egalitarian marriage, but both grew up in difficult households, which influenced the way they raised me. They know I’m the one who does the shopping, cleaning, and laundry, and that my wife is well taken care of. When they are over, I’m comfortable being seen doing my domestic duties, fetching things for my wife, and deferring to her preferences at all times. When I was starting off in this relationship and they saw this, they would privately complement me on the job I was doing. I’m not sure why they feel this way given how egalitarian their marriage is, but I appreciate it.
When it comes to my wife’s parents, let me put it this way. For Christmas last year, they bought her fancy riding boots, and they bought me a vacuum cleaner. They also know that I am responsible for the domestic work, and that I defer to their daughter. They’re older and from a more rural background than my parents, and are far more conservative. Perhaps counterintuitively, they value my deference and service to my wife as a show of strength, of putting others before myself, and of willingness to do whatever it takes. I say this because this is what they told my wife when we were planning to get married. They appreciate that I’m not a lazy good-for-nothing, and that their daughter’s best interests always come first. Her sister is an amazing young woman who I think has us figured out way beyond anyone else here, and plays into it at times by suggesting ways for me to go above and beyond for her sister. She and I have a lot in common, and one of those things is giving to other people. If anyone suspects there’s something kinky going on behind the scenes, it’s her.
Our friends can tell to various degrees. I have some friends who are somewhat involved in the BDSM world with whom I have shared a little more. Her friends are more traditional, and know a bit less. Overall, all of our friends for the most part acknowledge that my wife is a driven woman with a high-potential career, with a good bit more social capital than me, so my agreeableness around her and deference to her wishes is not surprising. It fits the way other people see our personalities.
When we are discussing our careers, our family and friends will focus on hers. When we are discussing vacation plans, they will speak with my wife because she determines where we go and for how long. When we are discussing politics, they will listen for her opinion. I’m happy to sit quietly, and make sure everyone has enough to drink. This makes both of us happy, because it’s our preferred role.
How did we tell people? We didn’t–we just don’t lie, and do things the way we always do them. There’s no shame in being a submissive partner, or in being a submissive male for that matter. I own the fact that I’m obedient to my wife. It’s a great benefit for both of us, and profoundly fulfilling, and I’m not going to go out of my way to hide it.
Every so often, I’m sure a random person in a public place will see me out with my wife, perhaps on the main shopping street in our town. I’ll be walking next to her, never in front, holding her bags. I’ll be opening doors, fetching things she wants, giving advice on what she’s trying on, and letting her order for me at lunch. Little things that don’t mean much by themselves, but add up to a great marriage. They see that this is normal for us, and that she expects and demands these acts of deference, obedience, and service as a matter of course. They see that she doesn’t say please or thank you, and will get annoyed if they don’t happen automatically. They will see that I am quiet, passive, and polite.
We don’t discuss the fact that I’m a sissy boy. We don’t get into the fact that I rarely orgasm when we have sex, or that she punishes me when I do even the slightest thing wrong. We don’t share our discussions about cuckolding, or what kind of sex toys she uses instead of my unimpressive cock. We focus on the love we have for each other, and the things we do to show love and affection.
This post is getting long, so I’ll finish by saying that my subservience to my wife has become natural and automatic, which is why we can be relatively open. Nothing about it should be forced and artificial. Following my wife’s lead is natural for me, and being served by me is natural for her. I’m comfortable with our dynamic and don’t hide the reality that I’m a happily submissive husband.