Our Family and Friends Know Our Marriage is Female-Led

My wife and I were recently talking about the fact that we don’t try to hide our female-led dynamic. It’s fairly common knowledge among our friends and family that ours is a female-led marriage, and that I am submissive to my wife. It’s common in our culture for many people to joke that the husband is beholden to the wife, but in our case people see our dynamic in much more concrete terms. In no case are they aware of the kink aspects of our marriage (since when do people really get involved in their family members’ sex lives?), but they are aware that my wife is my leader. We have never told them anything about it, either, everything they know they have seen firsthand. Because we are natural and comfortable as leader and follower, I don’t think it strikes anyone as unusual. They know that what we have works really well for us, and you can’t argue with success.

My parents raised me to be extremely polite, to the point of being deferential to other people in general. When I began dating, they impressed upon me the importance of being accommodating and faultlessly polite around my girlfriend. They are tremendously impressed with my wife. They think I’m doing very well for myself (which is quite true I think!), and that pleasing my wife is an important priority for me. My parents have a perfectly egalitarian marriage, but both grew up in difficult households, which influenced the way they raised me. They know I’m the one who does the shopping, cleaning, and laundry, and that my wife is well taken care of. When they are over, I’m comfortable being seen doing my domestic duties, fetching things for my wife, and deferring to her preferences at all times. When I was starting off in this relationship and they saw this, they would privately complement me on the job I was doing. I’m not sure why they feel this way given how egalitarian their marriage is, but I appreciate it.

When it comes to my wife’s parents, let me put it this way. For Christmas last year, they bought her fancy riding boots, and they bought me a vacuum cleaner. They also know that I am responsible for the domestic work, and that I defer to their daughter. They’re older and from a more rural background than my parents, and are far more conservative. Perhaps counterintuitively, they value my deference and service to my wife as a show of strength, of putting others before myself, and of willingness to do whatever it takes. I say this because this is what they told my wife when we were planning to get married. They appreciate that I’m not a lazy good-for-nothing, and that their daughter’s best interests always come first. Her sister is an amazing young woman who I think has us figured out way beyond anyone else here, and plays into it at times by suggesting ways for me to go above and beyond for her sister. She and I have a lot in common, and one of those things is giving to other people. If anyone suspects there’s something kinky going on behind the scenes, it’s her.

Our friends can tell to various degrees. I have some friends who are somewhat involved in the BDSM world with whom I have shared a little more. Her friends are more traditional, and know a bit less. Overall, all of our friends for the most part acknowledge that my wife is a driven woman with a high-potential career, with a good bit more social capital than me, so my agreeableness around her and deference to her wishes is not surprising. It fits the way other people see our personalities.

When we are discussing our careers, our family and friends will focus on hers. When we are discussing vacation plans, they will speak with my wife because she determines where we go and for how long. When we are discussing politics, they will listen for her opinion. I’m happy to sit quietly, and make sure everyone has enough to drink. This makes both of us happy, because it’s our preferred role.

How did we tell people? We didn’t–we just don’t lie, and do things the way we always do them. There’s no shame in being a submissive partner, or in being a submissive male for that matter. I own the fact that I’m obedient to my wife. It’s a great benefit for both of us, and profoundly fulfilling, and I’m not going to go out of my way to hide it.

Every so often, I’m sure a random person in a public place will see me out with my wife, perhaps on the main shopping street in our town. I’ll be walking next to her, never in front, holding her bags. I’ll be opening doors, fetching things she wants, giving advice on what she’s trying on, and letting her order for me at lunch. Little things that don’t mean much by themselves, but add up to a great marriage. They  see that this is normal for us, and that she expects and demands these acts of deference, obedience, and service as a matter of course. They see that she doesn’t say please or thank you, and will get annoyed if they don’t happen automatically. They will see that I am quiet, passive, and polite.

We don’t discuss the fact that I’m a sissy boy. We don’t get into the fact that I rarely orgasm when we have sex, or that she punishes me when I do even the slightest thing wrong. We don’t share our discussions about cuckolding, or what kind of sex toys she uses instead of my unimpressive cock. We focus on the love we have for each other, and the things we do to show love and affection.

This post is getting long, so I’ll finish by saying that my subservience to my wife has become natural and automatic, which is why we can be relatively open. Nothing about it should be forced and artificial. Following my wife’s lead is natural for me, and being served by me is natural for her. I’m comfortable with our dynamic and don’t hide the reality that I’m a happily submissive husband.

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7 thoughts on “Our Family and Friends Know Our Marriage is Female-Led

  1. I do so envy you. I am openly seeking a female to fulfill my desires. Right now I’d settle for our beginning online to see how it may well work. Online I could receive the training necessary and, too, the humiliation I so richly want and need.

    Great post. Thanks for sharing this insight.

  2. This is very much what we do except my husband is not a sissy even though he is often carrying my bags in a girdle. We just don’t lie. Now, obviously when he is serving my girlfriends cocktails and I send him back to the kitchen rather than inviting him to join us the girls know something is up. The fact I have him carry my handbag at the mall is also a hint.

    Occassionally I will have to verbally discipline him which I don’t hesitate to do. And I have given him time outs when we have been out with friends. Not actual cornertime but if he is less than respectful I have no trouble saying “Well that was rude. Excuse yourself for five minutes and appologize when you rejoin us.” It is pretty humiliating and he does not like it one bit. But I don’t make any secret of the fact I discipline my husband and have since we were first engaged.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Hannah, and apologies for the delay in replying. You said it so simply, but perfectly: “just don’t lie.” People will know something’s up, but if both members assume their roles honestly and confidently (or at least as confidently as you can be if you’re a slightly sissified submissive husband), they will accept it (and if they’re more open-minded, be a little intrigued). Likewise, I think the matter-of-fact manner in which you discipline your husband is the ideal approach. Don’t hide, don’t draw attention. My respect for my wife, and your husband’s respect for you, should be apparent at all times. Anything beyond that really isn’t anyone’s business.

  3. What a great post! I identify with you in Sooooo many levels! This is hard for even me to believe since I’m a 46 year old man that has been married to the same woman for nearly 25 years, but I have just recently realized that I’m a deeply submissive male. It’s embarrassing, but true. Our marriage has been a good one. My mission in life has been to make her happy. As I’ve told her many times, I derive great pleasure from easing her. Now as a type this out, it’s pretty obvious that I have been displaying submissive behavior, but up until now I’ve always just looked at it as me being a good, caring husband. But due to a recent event that I’ll discuss later, it has become clear to me what I really have been, and frankly it scares me a little and excites a lot. Nobody likes cleaning or mundane chores, but I do them because they need doing and I strongly relish her gratitude and happiness with me for what I do for her. I could go on and on about all the subservient things I have done for her, but I’ll just get straight to the point. Up until recently, we have had a vanilla sex life. The first dom/sub experience for us came when she asked me to blindfold her and touch her without speaking. (At this point, you should know that she has never been the slightest bit dominate in bed and neither have I). I happily fulfilled her request as I have practically all others. It was amazing for her. I’ve never seen her respond that way to sex before. Now based on this, it would seem to me she is also submissive, but she told me soon after that experience that she would like to do that to me. Of course I told her I would be happy to oblige. Well, a couple of nights ago, she took me up on my offer. She simply blindfolded me and made me do what she wanted. She was shockingly good at it, and I liked it far far more than I expected. That episode has brought great clarity to me and made me realize who I am whether I like it or not. From now on, my servitude to her will be much more deliberate and purposeful. I sense that I will be much happier now knowing why I do what I do and act the way I act. The problem is I really need her to increase her dominance both in every day life and in bed. The scary parts for me are : will she accept me as a permanent submissive in bed or does she need me to be the same as I have always been; giving up sexual control is both scary and exciting; I want to be the only “man” in her life sexually, but realize that if I give up control, I might eventually become a cuckhold (again, scary but also exciting). I need advice!! The bottom line…how can I/we make this transition and know that she will still respect me and our marriage will not be destroyed by her sleeping with a dominate male (either to my face or behind my back)? And the big questions. How can I encourage her to become a stronger dominate and how can I be a better, more obvious submissive to her without her demanding it. I would really appreciate any advice!!

    1. Hi John, thanks for the comment. My only advice is to think about things from her point of view, and anticipate her needs and wants. The very few times that I have stayed at high-end, boutique hotels, the staff distinguished themselves by getting to know my wife and I and finding ways to make our stay better that we hadn’t even thought to ask for! The same goes for good restaurants. They are looking for ways to surprise and delight without being overbearing or obtrusive. So should all husbands, in my opinion!

      When I was a teenager I worked in retail, and that got me used to trying to understand someone and offer them what they are looking for. That training has helped me a lot. My wife is more demanding than my most demanding customer, but the thing about demanding people is that despite what you’d think, they’re really quite pleased when you fulfill their demands! My wife expects a lot from me, and the consequences are severe if I don’t deliver. But whenever I do, she shows her appreciation for me. This is what makes the whole thing worth it for me–I love seeing her happy that much!

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