Assuming Your Submissive Role

Starting to establish the dominant/submissive dynamic in your marriage is very difficult, since you’re trying to break all kinds of old, hardened habits. The benefits are great, but there’s a right and a wrong way to break those habits! I think this is a question on many people’s minds, so I’m going to post my response to a comment I received from John in another thread, who asked:

“How can I encourage her to become a stronger dominate and how can I be a better, more obvious submissive to her without her demanding it.”

My advice is to think about things from her point of view, and anticipate her needs and wants. The very few times that I have stayed at high-end, boutique hotels, the staff distinguished themselves by getting to know my wife and I and finding ways to make our stay better that we hadn’t even thought to ask for! The same goes for good restaurants. They are looking for ways to surprise and delight without being overbearing or obtrusive. So should all husbands, in my opinion!

When I was a teenager I worked in retail, and that got me used to trying to understand someone and offer them what they are looking for. That training has helped me a lot. My wife is more demanding than my most demanding customer, but the thing about demanding people is that despite what you’d think, they’re really quite pleased when you fulfill their demands! My wife expects a lot from me, and the consequences are severe if I don’t deliver. But whenever I do, she shows her appreciation for me. This is what makes the whole thing worth it for me–I love seeing her happy that much!

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8 thoughts on “Assuming Your Submissive Role

  1. I have to agree with you. Although my wife and I had a wife led marriage for a long time, she never let it extend past running the household and my chores. Now we have introduced D/S and Domestic Discipline into our marriage outside of the bedroom and my wife was struggling to be dominant outside of sex. I did like you said and began doing things for her without being asked. If I did them enough, she eventually started asking me to do them when I did not. The asking turned to telling and the thank yous became “Good boy”.

  2. My experience has been different. My wife was looking for a sissy to own and she found me. So my training began from the first date. She knew me better than I knew myself and following her lead came naturally.

    1. Well Danni, that sounds just about perfect. Can you imagine how great the world would be if more dominants were empowered to seek a sissy and take the control they deserve? PS I just found your blog, thanks for the comment!

  3. As a Femdom, it made Me smile widely when I read your blog for the first time. I am part of a kink community where I live, and have many “play partners”. What I long for though, is to have a D/s relationship with a submissive male, and hopefully find a cusband (cuckold husband).
    Your writing about how much happier you both are, and how you love pleasing your Wife really gives Me hope of finding that Myself.
    Thank you,
    Lady Suzanne

    1. Lady Suzanne,

      Please accept my apologies for not replying to You sooner. Your comment helped me realize just how fortunate i am to have my Wife, and i hope You find the same contentment. That said, i have never had the same experience with play partners, and from my limited perspective that is something i sometimes regret!

      If You do see this message, could you give me Your opinion on something i have been wondering about? i have thought about using D/s pronouns, but never have because i’m lazy and it’s an impulse. Do You and other Dominants have a strong preference for subs using D/s pronouns in their writing?

  4. Hi,
    I guess I am kind of just looking for someone to chat with who can understand the idea of a submissive man and that does not equate to weakness or some kind of girl man.

    My basic story is married 20 years. Kids and busyness and we drifted apart. Some honest conversations and a little experimentation in the bed room. A bit of be careful what you wish for too. Although I fanaticise that she would be some kind of overt dominant that is just not her. But we have found that she really only orgasms when she is on top and not pressured to cum. By that I mean she can hop off if she feels like she will not orgasm and just leave it at that without having me make any comment. With my encouragement we tried a few things and what has ended up working for us is I have to ask permission to cum and that only happens after she has cum at least once and usually twice ie I cant even ask until then.

    If I try to grope her or anything like that that I used to do then she tells me to get up and go for a run.

    He position seems to be along the lines of she does not understand me but it works for her

    1. Hi anon, I’m no expert outside of my own experience, but it’s very common for people to be submissive in sexual situations without manifesting any of that in “real life” (whatever that is!)

      I personally think the most masculine men used to behave in a way that’s totally alien to today’s “macho” dude-bros. From medieval chivalry on, it was all kind of patronizing and sexist, but at least men could devote themselves to women without feeling like their dignity was under attack. I still think our society is capable of seeing men who do this as above and beyond in their comfort with themselves.

      I’m not at all an expert on sex lives, but in general I think our society sucks at showing couples how to talk about sex. Especially if you’re in neo-Puritan America, sex is an “all or nothing” thing.

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