One of the most wonderful things about being a submissive husband is the fact that I can help my wife be the best version of herself that she can be. My wife has always set a very high standard for herself and those around her (including me, certainly!), and it isn’t easy to live up to the expectations she places on herself. She’s a Ph.D. who runs a cancer research program at an Ivy League university. She’s a competitive athlete looking to improve her performance in competition. She is a foodie for whom no meal is too complicated. She’s a music lover who plays music and follows her favorite bands religiously. Everything my wife does, she does 100%.
I’m not really like this, no matter how hard I’ve tried to be. I’m content with doing a good job, having some fun along the way, and not getting stressed out. Regardless of male or female, my wife is very alpha, and I’m very beta. I like keeping this blog, when I can, and I like updating my Tumblr. I like to go to spin class and do yoga, and go shopping. But I don’t have passions the way my wife does. Being submissive and obedient to my wife works for us because my wife’s happiness is one of my major passions.
I’m still learning a lot about being a submissive husband. This spring, I’ve begun coming to the realization that the most important thing for me as a submissive husband right now is to empower my wife to be the best woman she can be. Submissiveness to your spouse isn’t about following his or her instructions all the time for every little thing. Sometimes, the most submissive thing you can do is to take leadership over something.
I know this sounds like the opposite of submissiveness, but think about it: there are a lot of things my submissive wife has to deal with that don’t have anything to do with her being an amazing person. Planning, shopping, and doing advance prep work for her awesome cooking sessions. Getting the house ready for company. Paying the bills and tracking our budget. Spring cleaning.
When submissive husbands get started, they want their wives to micromanage them. Clean this thing this way right now or you’ll get a spanking. Fold this thing and put it here or no orgasm. This is incredibly stressful for the wife who has to organize everything! It’s probably easier for her to do those things herself.
That’s why, as a submissive husband, you need to be prepared to take leadership. The submissive part is that you are giving up something you want to do, and taking things off of your wife’s plate instead.
So for you submissives out there trying to please your partner, try to find a chance to ask yourself what menial things your partner might be worried about getting done, and take the initiative to do them yourself. Instead of having your wife make you a Spring Cleaning checklist and have her supervise you, make a checklist yourself and show it to her. Ask what else she would like to have taken care of, and then promise to do it. Tell her when you are going to do it, and that you want to do it all yourself to give her more free time.
This morning, my wife and I made a plan. I would join her for the first part of her run (I don’t run anything like her mileage), and then come home and get started on housework. Then I went to the grocery store. By the time she was back and ready for food, the kitchen was fully stocked and cleaned, and most importantly, I was out of her way. I volunteered to do all of this, and I did it without needing to ask about every little detail, because I took leadership over the task.
I’m just realizing how powerful this approach is. I don’t use it often enough, because I think to myself, “I’m a submissive husband, and I should obey my wife.” But the most submissive thing I can do is to give up time I’d rather spend sleeping or on tumblr or writing this blog (sorry! It will be a higher priority for me going forward because it’s helpful to me) and taking on a project for her instead.
It’s humbling to see just how successful my wife is compared to me. She accomplishes truly impressive things and makes them look easy. I’m very lucky that she likes me, because in any normal dating pool she’d be with a very successful alpha male. Helping my wife achieve these things is important for my self esteem, because when I sacrifice myself to help her, I know I’m making it possible for her to achieve.