You’re Always Just Starting a Female-Led Relationship

I have come to realize I’m the kind of blogger who can’t update his blog every day or week. There’s too much going on for me to be able to give the time I feel I should spend drafting and editing a post to perfection. Plus I’m hesitant to write when I don’t think I have anything worthwhile to say. So I ask you to forgive my intermittent posting.

I get a lot of great comments on both old and new posts from couples who are “just starting out.” This got me thinking about how my own female-led relationship is evolving. I’m finding that, as time goes on, all relationships change. New things come up, old habits stop being helpful.

I’m learning that starting a female-led relationship isn’t just about building new habits around your wife, it’s about following your wife’s lead in developing new habits. Your wife will lead the long-term changes that happen in your marriage, and you follow her example and support her in making positive changes permanent.

My wife and I have made some minor changes to our after-work routine that have made life better. It’s not really relevant what they are, since our routine is seemingly always being changed to reflect what’s going on in our personal or professional lives. What matters is two-fold: first, we are consciously thinking and communicating with each about our habits and assumptions, which is rare in most marriages I have seen, and second, my wife is the one who often instigates these changes. She senses that things can be improved, and it’s then up to me to follow through.

This is yet another example of how a female-led relationship can help your marriage. So few couples talk through their challenges, let alone have a method for addressing those challenges head-on. 

In other blogs I’ve read, it seems like there comes a time when things “wear off” and the true challenge of making permanent changes to your marriage becomes clear. Both sides lose their motivation, and things drift back to normal. Instead of making all of those changes at once, accept that change is both gradual and unceasing–you can’t speed it up when you want it to go faster, and you can’t stop it when you’re happy with the way things are. 

I think the most realistic way for a husband to submit to his wife is to take the long view. Over time, he will match his thinking to his wife’s, and where they differ, he will submit to her opinion and see how things go.

I don’t pretend to be an expert on all of this, and there are as many right ways to “start” and “keep” a female-led relationships going as there are female-led relationships, but I think taking a more gradual approach would make more couples happier.

As always, I’m happy to hear your thoughts in the comments section!

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One thought on “You’re Always Just Starting a Female-Led Relationship

  1. Thanks for this long term view. My wife and I have had a couple of tries at an explicit WLM and do drift. Recently, I ve noticed subtle changes in the way she acts in terms of taking the lead; it has been exciting. We are trying again, and I feel like it may stick longer this time. We’ll see! Anyway, thanks again for this entry and a few others.

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