Feminism and the Submissive Male

The need for equal rights, pay, justice, respect, and safety for women has received more attention in the past year than it has in any other of my lifetime. I have been glad to see it, but I haven’t actually done very much to help promote it. It’s hard to know the right way to do such a thing without overstepping my bounds. So I decided to write a blog post about it.

I’ve worked on a post on this subject for months, but it never came out right, so I’m just going to write about this subject a little at a time. I’m a passable writer at my very best, and it’s hard to write my very best about such an important but complex topic.

The thing is that it’s not just a women’s issue. Everyone’s hurt by sexism, bigotry, and injustice.

I know this because I break a lot of the rules of “masculinity.” I don’t express myself as a female in public, but I don’t make any effort to fit male stereotypes either. I’m perfectly happy with the fact that I’m genderfluid, because it feels like the best of both worlds. I’m submissive and subservient to my wife, who agrees that I am the best of both. With a recent change in jobs, my wife is again the primary breadwinner of the family, and making her happy is what makes me the most happy.

I’m writing this having finished my work for the day, cleaned the kitchen and neatened the living room, and just before I run off for a little yoga. I’m wearing black yoga pants over a fuschia sweater dress, drinking a cup of tea. I’m locked away in my chastity cage since my last orgasm, which means I haven’t grown more than 2.5 inches long in over a month. It will probably be at least another two weeks before it does grow long. I will likely have a half-dozen orgasms this year, maybe eight or even ten if I’m lucky.

My legs are shaved, my nails are done, and my lips are glossy. In public, my hair looks professional. At home I only need to add a different product in a different direction and I get a cute pixie cut.

It’s rare for another male to be a part of my group of friends when we go out. I have some male coworkers and family members on my Facebook, but it’s about 75% female. I’m proud and extremely fortunate to have been able to make a life where I can dress, socialize, exercise, work, play, and live in a way that fits me.

But then when it suits me I can ditch the dress and tights, put on one of my tailored suits and Brooks Brothers ties, and go command a room simply because of my race, gender, height, vocabulary, accent, and speech volume. Society has decided that, because of the way I look and speak, I get to be in charge. It makes no sense, and that’s how I live my gender in this society.

I’m enraged by the fact that we use gender as an indicator when seeking to measure someone’s ability or potential. I just don’t know what to say or do in my role as a submissive male that can make it better. Maybe that’s why this topic is so hard to write about: I don’t know where to start.

The system benefits me to a large degree, but as soon as I make my feminine side or my submissiveness part of the conversation, it starts to turn against me. I know there must be many males like me who don’t have the same ability that I do to express their feminine side or their submissive side because they are more exposed to our society’s backward and toxic male dominance.

I’m going to publish this, since writing draft after draft isn’t getting me anywhere. Hopefully better thinkers and writers than I can make the need for gender equality and the banishment of gender roles a reality.

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10 thoughts on “Feminism and the Submissive Male

  1. LCO,
    I agree with so much of what you said about our male dominated culture and agree that perfect is often the enemy of good, so the decision to go ahead and write is the right one. Though having said that, given the much higher number of women attending college than men, that will rapidly change in decades to come. As to what other tangible actions you can take, I would encourage you to check out womenon20s.org. They are campaigning to get Jackson off the 20 (good riddance) and put a woman in his place. My wife and I would prefer Sojourner Truth, but there are many worthy choices! Check them out!

    1. Your point about women in college is quite true, and hopefully monumental changes are indeed on their way. Thanks for sharing womenon20s.org–I’ve seen this on social media a few times and agree it’s an idea whose time has come!

  2. I completely agree with you.

    But believe it or not, the sexism I have experienced from men doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I’ve made it a hobby to prove men wrong. It’s one of my favorite pasttimes. I’m completely fine with letting people think I’m weak, or dumb, or any of that. I don’t mind being underestimated. It’s a unique and subtle skill that has unfortunately become rare in modern society.

    So no, I have never minded sexist men. They amuse me. And, as the previous commenter pointed out, that school of thought will die out eventually.

    It’s the sexist women I can’t stand. The ones who call themselves Feminist because “every intelligent and modern woman must be a feminist” but have no idea what the movement is or what women’s rights actually mean.

    Weak men calling me a “dumb slut” is amusing. Weak women telling me I’m setting my gender back fifty years because I choose to make the raising of my child more important than a paycheck is irritating (I’m a napoleonic power-monger. Why would I let someone else raise my child? They won’t be able to do it right). Or that I’m wasting the anthrolopolgy degree I worked so hard for. Or other female Dominants who can’t understand why I allow my husband to help make decisions (because apparently my daughter doesn’t deserve a strong father). Women who tell me I can’t set a good example for children because I have tattoos and a varied vocabulary, and “our daughters need positive role models and strong heroines, not tattooed pin-up models representative of a time when women were far more oppressed.”

    Give me fat, old, white, sexist men any day, and watch me bring them to their knees and humiliate them in a way that their money and influence can’t protect them from. That’s just a fun Thursday afternoon for me.

    Feminism has birthed a new breed of sexism, that I’m afraid isn’t going anywhere.

    1. Domina Jen, thank you for this amazing comment.

      Your comment got me thinking about my wife’s female mentors at work, who have a very narrow view of both personal success and progress for women. Anything less than tenured faculty at a Research 1 university or a big-name biotech company with stock options is considered “settling.” Although my wife’s a superstar, she still feels huge pressure (from women and men alike) to follow The One Way to Success.

      How bizarre that efforts for greater gender equality would end up meaning that men who stay home with their families are less transgressive than women who choose the same.

      Your comment has also made me realize that it’s fallacious for me to equate staying home for my family with submissiveness.

      Thanks again for your comment. I’m a little out of my depth discussing the social construction of gender roles with an anthropology grad, but I wanted to share some of the thoughts, however simplistic, your comment inspired. I look forward to reading more of your blog!

      1. I’ll be the first to admit an anthropology degree does not an anthropologist make. I knew I wasn’t going to be the next CEO of Microsoft, so when it came time to choose a major, I just chose the hobby I’ve been interested in for most of my life.

        Yeah, I can definitely understand your wife feeling that pressure from other women at work. And it’s not fair that someone such as your wife needs to deal with that from members of her own gender. When I worked, I would’ve much preferred the creepy boss trying to cop a feel than the woman telling me I’m failing my gender by not owning the company.

        Meh, the world is never fair. I have my reasons for my life choices, just as you and your wife have reasons for yours. I think part of the problem is simply that feminism and gender equality is still an incredibly new concept as far as society goes. It’ll probably take a generation or two before they iron out all the kinks.

      2. I completely agree! As someone who benefits from this system, but who thinks it urgently needs to be dismantled (if not reversed!), it’s hard to know how I can have a meaningful role to play aside from serving, supporting, and obeying my wife, which is obviously the most important thing.

  3. I love your blog. I’m a lot like you, male bodied, gender fluid, identifying more as female, submissive to women, loving strong women, though not in a female-led relationship currently. I would love to see our side of the internet world become more feminine-oriented in its values and in its style. You’re in the vanguard!

    ls

    1. Thanks Laura! It’s so personally fulfilling and I wish there were some way outside of this blog that I could help more males get the same level of fulfillment. I appreciate your encouragement!

  4. Miss seeing new entries from you. Would love to here more about your attire during housework or anything you would like to publish.

    1. Hi Bill, thanks for the encouragement. Between vacation and starting a new job (as well as cleaning the house, of course) I haven’t had time to put down many coherent thoughts. That will change soon!

      My wife purchased some housework attire for me to wear a few years ago, and I highly recommend it. It’s from Jessie Steele. I recommend the “Josephine” or “Antoinette” shapes. Obviously don’t bother with the men’s aprons. We’re not fooling anybody!

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