This past year has been one of the best of my life, and one of the best years of marriage my wife and I have had since getting married six years ago. A lot of things have come together to make this great situation come together, but I’m confident in saying that being kept chaste and frequently locked up has has had the biggest role in my happiness this past year.
Before being locked in chastity earlier this year, my wife had enforced temporary chastity on an as-needed basis, but my expectation was always that my orgasm would come soon…my fulfillment would be achieved, my satisfaction would occur no matter what.
Knowing that I was merely delaying my happiness made the game interesting, but hardly fulfilling. With far longer periods of chastity coming this year, and the frequent presence of my chastity device, the focus has shifted. I believe the key to my happiness this past year has been due not to the denial of orgasm, but to the elimination of the expectation of orgasm.
As the year has progressed, intervals between orgasms have lengthened. I will have fewer orgasms this year than I did in some days as a teenager! I have been chaste for several weeks now, and I am told it will be at least until the new year before I orgasm again.
So my next orgasm is a very long way away. It’s so long, in fact, that it’s no longer useful for me to think about when I’m coming next. This past year, I’ve learned to give up that part of myself that receives lasting pleasure from orgasm. It’s fun, but it’s now an incidental part of sex. The last few times I’ve reached an orgasm, I’ve been ambivalent about it because it’s not what gives me the greatest pleasure anymore.
This picture came across my Tumblr recently, and I think it’s a great example (sorry, I can’t figure out a way to add the photo here without losing the link to Tumblr). When I’m chaste, cuddling with my wife is just that–cuddling, being close to one another, holding each other tightly. She can be dressed or nude, she can keep me there for a few minutes or an hour, she can play with my cage and tease me or act like I have no cock at all.
The whole while, it never turns into foreplay unless she decides it does. I can’t get hard, and can’t have an orgasm, so it’s completely out of the question. Cuddling is only about our love for each other, and being close to one another.
If she wants an orgasm, she’ll have one. I have no need to even mention it. If she wants to play with herself, she will. If she wants to use one of her vibrators or a dildo, she will. If she wants me to hold her, she’ll tell me. If she wants me to stand and watch her (a recent favorite of hers), she’ll point. If she wants to send me to the kitchen to go make coffee, or run up the street to the coffee shop, she’ll tell me.
If she wants me to go down on her, she’ll motion me to. I know to keep going when she cums, gently kissing her before checking with my tongue to see if she wants another. I simply stop when she pulls my hair. If she wants to sit on my face, she’ll climb on top of me, and will climb off when she’s done.
All the time, chastity has freed me. Men refer to it as a ‘cage’ or a ‘prison,’ but it’s really the opposite. It has freed me to focus entirely on my wife, and on giving her as much pleasure as possible. Giving my wife pleasure is, as a submissive, far more fulfilling than receiving pleasure. Loving my wife more deeply is much more fun than having her swallow my cum.
As a submissive, I’m at my best when I’m giving to others. By best I mean I’m happiest and most fulfilled. If you ask me what my favorite things were about all the jobs I’ve had, it’s the times I’ve been able to do the most for my clients and coworkers. If you ask me what my most fulfilling activities are, I’d say things like helping others work through tough problems, or learn new things. This extends into my marriage, where my first priority is my wife’s happiness and satisfaction. Her satisfaction leads to my satisfaction. Chastity has helped me focus on this by overcoming the obstacle that was in the way.
This ‘coming’ year, I don’t think I’m going to have many orgasms. Instead, I’m going to build a deeper connection with my wife, and learn even more from her.