Should More Men be in Chastity?

Having spent much of the past year locked in chastity, I have undergone huge positive changes in my life. From reading and communicating with other locked and submissive males, I have come to believe that chastity makes nearly all men into better people. It’s much more than losing control over his genitals. It’s submission, a loss of control, and an acceptance that a lot of what society tells men is complete nonsense.


When men are chastised, they are more considerate, more obedient, more thoughtful, more helpful. Let’s face it–while quite a few men are honest about their submissiveness, there are many many more who would have better lives if they admitted their inferiority and sought out a dominant partner to whom they could pledge their loyalty and obedience.

There would be many benefits for the chastised male. They would (finally!) be able to see themselves as submissive and obedient, and could explore that in other ways in their lives. How have they been lying to themselves? Becoming chaste would give many men a much-needed wakeup call for other aspects of their lives.

Once in chastity, men become become calmer, friendlier, more patient, and more pleasant to be around. In return for all this, men only need to give up instant sexual gratification. Is the ability to play with yourself whenever you want really that important that men are willing to sacrifice a better personality?

Men would find that their relationships with their significant other, if they have one, would improve immediately as a result. Besides all the improvements in their comportment mentioned above, they would have given their dominant partner an expression of love and trust that is hard to top–the key to their sexual pleasure.

Once locked up, it’s natural to feel frustrated. This frustration is a good thing, because it teaches men subconsciously that there are some things they cannot have and cannot do. They must accept another person’s opinion, leadership, guidance, and commands. This frustration is healthy. It helps to break down the male ego and all the lies males are told in our society.

Once a chastised male can accept their frustration over their inability to control their penis, it will be easier to deal with frustration that might come from their dominant’s control over other parts of their lives. Giving up decision making to their dominant partner over other areas will cause both the dominant and submissive to feel calmer and more fulfilled. Taking orders is much easier when your dominant controls your next orgasm.


When a male cannot have an orgasm himself, he will quickly learn to find his partner’s orgasms fulfilling. If his dominant partner is a woman, he will quickly master the art of giving her pleasure, and find her orgasms bring him more joy and satisfaction than his own brief spurts. If his dominant partner is another man, he will find it rewarding to try to find out how much pleasure his dominant can possibly take.

If the dominant seeks to try new things in bed, he will of course agree to it. While he may desperately want to penetrate his lover, he cannot, because he is inferior and his lover does not wish him to experience that sensation. Perhaps the lover instead wishes to penetrate him? Once chastised, he will willingly agree to it. Once he does, the pleasure it gives will be more than enough to convince him to try it again and again. How long before he is conflicted over giving or receiving?

When a man cannot have an orgasm, he will also learn to find pleasure in other parts of his body. Simply being kissed all over will become extremely erotic. Touching and massage will provoke powerful responses. Teasing will be the best he can get, and he will willingly take it. Knowing that his partner has ordered his genitals to be small and soft, and then knowing that his partner is intentionally causing him to become aroused, will reinforce that his partner does not find his erection, or his penis at all for that matter, to be an important part of their relationship. The important thing is the man himself, and the obedience and service he provides.

When locked up, the way a man looks at other women (or men, if he’s gay) changes. He becomes tense around them, and they make him slightly nervous. This is as it should be. He will have a constant reminder that his sex is under someone else’s control.


I could go on, and I probably will in subsequent posts. But having been in chastity for a year (updates to come), I’ve found it an invaluable part of making me a better spouse, lover, and man.

I firmly believe more men should be in chastity. Masculinity in our culture is fundamentally broken, and the symbolic act of giving up control of our sex is a powerful statement that we want to be something better.

I’d love to hear from men and women, straight or LGBTQ, submissives and dominants alike, if you think of any more reasons why more men should be placed in chastity.




16 thoughts on “Should More Men be in Chastity?

    1. Hi vanillaqueen–some formal research would be amazing to read. I can only imagine getting permission from an Institutional Review Board for that! “What is the nature of your research?” “Well, um, it’s actually quite interesting, you see…”

      1. Have you read Mary Roach’s Bonk? Hilarious insight into the deeply awkward yet vital world of sex research.

  1. You are often saying you are not that good a writer but this particular blog was very well done. I think I will show it to my vanilla wife. Bill

  2. I hope that you will continue writing about the link between chastity, the need for a new masculinity that admits its inferiority to the female, and a more satisfying male sexuality. I think you are onto something important. There is a recent article on “Real Women Don’t Do Housework” on tantra, which says: “Wife led marriage has many elements of Tantra, but is much more powerful than Tantra. . . . A wife can use orgasm denial to increase her husband’s sexual energy. When his sexual energy is strong then his desire . . . produces a sexual and spiritual charge for both.” The male gains his satisfaction through her. Compared to the patriarchal male sex, whose satisfaction occurs mainly in a single orgasm, the new matriarchal male sexuality can extend it indefinitely, and it can infuse his entire life. As you mention, this sexuality is also more diffuse in that the male doesn’t mind being penetrated. You and others are the pioneer of a new male sexuality and gender identity in which the male is able to gain an enhanced sexual energy through that of his wife’s and in which his life vision and goals emerge from his identification with and worship of those of a more powerful woman. Two things are happening. One is that the male is acquiescing in his own secondary gender position, but in return, the old “war of the sexes” has come to an end, and he attains much greater life satisfaction.


  3. I’m loving the blog. My partner and I are looking to get a Holy Trainer v2 as our first serious chastity device.

    How do you find the size? I’m quite well endowed on length and girth, and 3 – 4″ flaccid. With The HT being only 2.35″ long, do you think that’d be a problem? We don’t want to splash out $165 on the cage and then find that it’s too small.


  4. Thanks for the great article. My wife and I only recently began practicing my orgasm denial. Our sex life has improved dramatically, she has so many more and better orgasms than ever. I don’t even miss my orgasm all that much. I’m learning to gain more pleasure from watching her get off over and over again. I enjoy being around her more in a non-sexual way, I enjoy cuddling with her while she watches TV. I’ve gladly taken over more of the housework, to her delight. I haven’t had an orgasm in 23 days and I feel so much better about everything in my life. Once I got the chemical brainstorm in my head from frequent masturbation under control and also learning about dopamine and prolactin, life is so much better. I’m gaining a better understanding and appreciation of my wife’s superiority and the superiority of all women.

  5. Being chaste forces a man to think more about the outside world than about himself – something that most men could or would never do without being controlled sexually. I couldn’t agree more with you about chastity making “a better spouse, lover, and man.” When I first stumbled upon FemDom my long-term boyfriend and I got pretty into chastity.

    Before we did I remember him being a typical 20 something male – pouty, moody, selfish and demanding – but once I took control over his cock that all changed. He immediately started taking thoughtful care of not only my physical needs but, more importantly, my emotional needs. Our communication was open and free and I became very grateful to have such an attentive, submissive partner.

    I have not sense found a match like this or a special connection, but I know they are out there, reading this gives me comfort. I would never enter into another LTR unless it was and FLR (female led) with chastity involved.

    I’ve read only a post or two of your blog, but it sounds like the relationship between you and your wife is profound. I congratulate you for finding each other and having the guts to live this way. Cheers!

  6. We are now in our 3 year of chastity. My husband is not well endowed at all, actually very small. We bought a chastity device to explore creative alternatives to traditional intercourse looking for something more satisfying. Our first year we changed the rules and took the cage on and off constantly, never wearing longer than 2 weeks at a time. Year 2 we settled into a schedule where the cage came off once a month for shaving and ejaculation by hand. We discovered that his body would ejaculate once a month without taking the cage off and without any stimulation usually in the form of a nocturnal emission while he slept which means there is no reason to ever take off the cage. I gave him a custom ordered surgical stainless steel cage for Christmas and it has not been off ever since. It has now been on for 8 months and we have no release date. It appears it is on for good.

    1. I have always thought that every boy should be put in chastity by their mother at age 12 before they begin masterbating and the key should be past to the bride on his wedding day. Think of what would disappear: unwed pregnancy, stds would decrease, rape, fornication, adultery, porn use would decrease. If every man could be kept under lock and key by his mother and then his wife, if only.

      And to your point, when your husband is too small to be satisfying then lock and key releases you into a whole world of creativity. Having a small penis must be frustrating for a man and he can’t do anything about it. Chastity is a wonderful solution to free him into areas that he can be adequate such as oral or really good with his hands. I believe a man with a small penis can have a much more fulfilling sex life locked in chastity than he ever could be released to frustration.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s